A Place to Call Home
by Elrukaness
Summary: Basically, my version of how the relationship between Shizuma and Nagisa was like. Story starts out with when they first met. Romance, heartbreak, and much more. Rated M to be safe.
1. When We First Met

_**Shizuma's Point of View**_

After Kaori died, it seemed like everything fell apart, too. My once colorful world suddenly became dull and gray to me. Boring. Useless. Empty. There was nothing to live for. Nothing _worth _living for... I was just a walking body on earth, my mind was nowhere. All I wanted was to be alone, in the dark, just by myself...

But Miyuki kept me from fully devouring myself in darkness, if I wasn't already. She's my best friend, like a sister to me, and we've known each other for years. She's the Student Council Body President of our school, St. Miator, and she kept me in order. She made sure I performed all of my duties as Etoile, made sure I completed the paperwork, made sure I took care of the Etoile's garden, made sure I was okay. But truth be told, it didn't matter to me. Nothing mattered anymore. I wasn't okay, and we both knew that. I was changed. For better or worse, I didn't care.

I felt empty. I felt like nothing. I felt weak on the inside, weary, tired. I was full of pain. Pain of feeling like this, of feeling...lonely. I didn't know what to do, or if I should even do anything. This wasn't me, I knew that, but...what could I do? Would I ever return to my normal self? It seemed so unlikely back then...

I tried forgetting, I tried moving on. I would mess around with so many girls, it's not even funny. I'd pluck the cute ones left and right from the soil, pleasuring them in any way I could, tugging off their petals until I got bored of them or they couldn't help me anymore. And then I tossed their stem away. They were like alcohol to me: they made me forget about my pain and loneliness, but only temporarily, unfortunately for me. And if they accidently fell in love with me, who cared? I sure didn't. To me, they meant nothing, they were only a short-term 'outlet'. And who could possibly fall in love with someone like myself? I felt messed up. I was falling apart.

But no matter how many girls I screwed with, I just...couldn't forget. Sure, people come and go, people enter your life and leave it...but somehow the feelings stay put. Especially if that person was meaningful and special to you. The girls I messed with, yeah, they came and went, but they were nothing to me. Kaori, though, she had meant a lot in my heart. Which made it all the more difficult to forget and move on from her.

I was altered, changed. I felt like I was dying on the inside. It was the ugliest feeling in the world, worse than dying. No one knows what happens when you die, but at least when you die, your life on earth is no more. You're at peace here. Me? Earth at that moment felt like Hell, felt like shit. And the worst part of it all was that I was still alive, living in this giant puzzle that I couldn't piece together or figure out. And I just tossed the pieces aside without a care...

It seemed that my only solution was to change. But I didn't want to. I mean, I did, but it was just so hard to. And it was so much easier just to sink myself into darkness, into nothing. I needed...help in some way. Okay, you could call me weak if you'd like, and I guess you'd be right. I wasn't strong enough yet to stand on my own.

When I first met Nagisa, I thought she was attractive. Fluffy red hair. Big red eyes like a kitten. Pouty cheeks and lips. Slim. Soft skin. Overall, a cutie. And you could tell she was one of those 'innocents', one of those naive, sweet-hearted girls. If first impressions do say it all, well then, Nagisa was an interesting person. And a kluts at that. I remember how when she first glanced at me, she nearly toppled herself backward. She only managed to drop her piggy keychain and smack herself with her own bag though. Haha, I just thought how amusing this girl was.

I picked up the keychain and handed it back to her. It struck me next how shy and nervous she was. She introduced herself, stuttering.

"I...I'm the new transfer student...Nagisa Aoi..." I could see a faint, pink blush plastered on her cheeks. Adorable.

So I had run into an innocent, cute girl. Why not have some fun with her, I thought. I placed my hands on her shoulders and kissed her softly on the forehead. No harm done, right? Normally, I'd have a lot more fun with my other 'flowers'. I guess I wasn't much in the mood then. Who knows. But I did know that at the time, Nagisa was just like another girl to mess around with. Another ordinary girl to fool around with. That's all.

Little did I know that I had stumbled upon a girl far from ordinary and simple.

* * *

_**Nagisa's Point of View**_

I had always wanted to go to a school on Astraea Hill, and I finally had my breakthrough at the beginning of Sophomore year. My parents were working overseas, so I took a risk and transferred myself without them knowing over there to the Strawberry Dorms. I wasn't sure of either attending St. Miator, St. Spica, or St. Lulim, but in the end, I chose St. Miator. I'm not sure why though. Their uniform is the most old-fashioned-looking. It's a long, black dress with white cuffs and shirt. And you gotta wear this uncomfortable tie...well, anywho, I chose that school. And maybe because of its old-fashioned look, I dunno...I do like old-fashioned, original things. Especially Converse! But I digress...

Anyway, I thought my first day transfering there was a disaster. I was late getting there! And I managed to get myself lost in the damn forest surrounding the schools! Urgh...I guess by this point, you must be thinking I'm not very bright, but trust me, I'm a straight A student! Yupyup. I just had some rotten luck on my first day...

So, next thing I knew, I encountered this older girl. I guessed she was a senior, she was kinda tall and mature. And she looked majestic with her long, wavy silvery hair and green eyes. She also seemed quiet. But not a 'shy' quiet. She seemed to have this 'cool' quiet vibe about her...

Well, I thought I screwed up meeting this girl, too. I practically fell on my ass when I first saw her. But she didn't laugh at me. I think she...smirked. Yeah, she smirked. And I don't know what it was...but her looking into my eyes made me feel weak. That butterfly feeling in the stomach. My cheeks felt hot as lava, and that's about two thousand degrees Farenheit! Yup! Exaggerating much, you ask? It didn't feel like it. I suddenly felt really nervous around her...but I managed to introduce myself. Yesh.

She introduced herself as Shizuma, and that's basically all she said to me. She didn't speak much, mostly studied me. I wanted to say more, but...her gaze was so powerful. I was a bit afraid that whatever I said would sound dumb to her, or that she would sense the stutter...

Surprisingly, she kissed me on the forehead. Oh boy, I just wanted to melt right then. But that kiss also left me feeling confused. Was I like...falling for this girl?

Oh, no no no no! I possibly could not be falling in love! And falling for a...girl? That's not...well...common? I had never had a girlfriend, or a serious relationship for that matter. I mean, I had noticed the possibility of me liking girls for years. Sure, I had liked boys too, and even went out with one when I was younger. But it just...wasn't the same feeling. It always seemed that I 'went through' guys rather quickly. With girls, I felt stronger, deeper feelings, and I noticed myself longing for a female. Boys were passing scenery, merely appetizers. Girls were the foreground, the main course.

I first embraced the idea of me being lesbian during my Freshman year, or perhaps bisexual. And it scared me profoundly because I had been taught that thinking that way was wrong.

And to further complicate things, I was brought up with a religious background. My mom was a very hardcore Catholic, and this, having a daughter who liked other girls, was a HUGE no-no. She expected me to be successful and thought that that 'way of life' would keep me from that, drift me the 'wrong way'. I guess you could say she's homophobic. I mean, she's not accepting or approving of it at all; she thought it not natural and against God...hmph. I thought it was religion blinding her or something.

Well, I believed that God had made everyone unique. He didn't want everyone to be the same. My mom would say things like 'God loves you no matter what', and the religion of Christianity made Him sound very accepting, open-minded, and loving. So then, why this 'prejudice' for homosexuals, hmm? God-help-me-Jesus, sometimes people just used religion as an excuse or whatever...

Now, my dad wasn't religious at all. He almost despised religion. He was an Atheist, believing that it was MAN who made things happen, that there was no other stronger force out there. Well, I trusted that there was a more powerful force out there. It was God, and He was accepting. Or _She_...one must never rule out the possibility that God may very well be a female. Haha. However, despite my dad not being engulfed in religion and their views, he was homophobic as well. He thought it was sick, unnatural, and wrong, and that they made the family and society look bad.

'Coming out of the closet' was difficult at first. I only told a few of my closest friends, and they were welcoming and cool with it. Except for one, who I had thought would get past her religion and accept me for who I am, but things didn't work out quite so well... I learned that you can't change who you really are, and the ones who'll love you no matter what you are your true friends. The people that stick by you through the good times as well as the bad are your real friends.

I hadn't meant for my family to know, aware of their strong religious beliefs. I planned to tell them, but when I was ready to. And I wasn't ready back then. Yet somehow...my mom found out, and she didn't take it too kindly, maybe also due to the fact that she had found out from another person. Well, that just goes to show you can't trust everyone you know. Choose your close friends wisely, and confide in them wisely.

I feared being kicked out, so I had to 'play along', make her and my dad believe that it was just some 'phase' I was going through. No biggie. It'll pass. I did the same tactic with my unaccepting friend. I hated it. It depressed me. I felt like I was living a fake life, and I always feared getting caught with the truth.

But I knew the truth, as well as my other close friends. I did, in fact, like girls. And I was proud and felt confident about this little discovery about myself. Yesh.

So, back to Shizuma...I thought I was beginning to crush on her then. When we first met. You could call it 'love at first sight' if you'd like. But it felt deeper to me.


	2. The Claim, The Kiss

_**Shizuma's Point of View**_

I was always told that you had to fall in order to pick yourself up again. Well, Kaori's death no doubt had me tripping. Actually, I had fallen, and I couldn't get up. I thought that's how it would always be...

When I had dropped Nagisa off to her designated Dorm, we didn't bump into each other again until dinnertime. Again, I had reason to wonder about her. She wasn't as shy and quiet as I had thought, watching her laugh and joke around with her new friends. She was very amusing to observe. I especially enjoyed it when realization came upon her face when she figured out that it was indeed I who was the Etoile, the representative of all three academies, the most loved girl. Ah, Nagisa was so slow... Heh, it was almost kinda sweet. Amusing. Most people would try to hide their ignorance and appear clever, but Nagisa didn't seem bothered or to even notice how naive she acted. Her reaction was just pure classic.

She surprised me yet again when she came up to me after dinner and asked for my screen name, like she wanted to become friends and stay in touch. My previous 'flowers' who had had my screen name wouldn't want to get to know me; they'd just want the attention I gave them physically to be turned into cyber sex. Whatever. So I cybered with them. Didn't matter. It was kinda fun, and it made me forget my griefs for a while.

But no, I could tell that Nagisa wasn't looking for that from me. Or even thinking about that, I thought. Too innocent-looking...

What was her deal? What did Nagisa want from me? She barely knew me. Just my name and status in the schools. And my appearance.

Whatever. In the end, I exchanged screen names with her. Lesse what she wants, I thought.

We IMed each other on AIM that night. And we ended up IMing each other every day. Every single night.

She was interesting alright. We talked about random things. She sounded so bubbly online. She also tended to babble a lot. Normally, that would annoy the shit outta me, for people to go on and on and on about...well, shit... But for Nagisa, it was okay. It was like, part of her.

You could say that we were well on the road for friendship. Or at least, that's what I thought at first...until we had an interesting conversation online one day. This was about a month after she had transferred.

Nagisa: so my friend asked me who i liked today...:S

Shizuma: oh? wha'cha say?

Nagisa: um...well, i told her i had crushes on...like 5 people...xD

Shizuma: o.O wow...so, begin listing ;D

Nagisa: noooo!!

Shizuma: aw c'mon!! pweaseee? :3

Nagisa: meh...

Shizuma: -puppy face-

Nagisa: o3o...damn you..you kno i'm a sucker for those...alright...

Shizuma: :D

Nagisa: one...i think i like my roommate tamao, she's cool...kinda weird...but cool...

Shizuma: mhmm...

Nagisa: then there's yaya from st. spica...she's pretty cool too. and amane is pretty dreamy as well...

Shizuma: yes yes...

Nagisa: oh, my teacher...for english...xD idk, she's rele hott...and i think she lurvs me :d

Shizuma: XD yeah?

Nagisa: -nods- x3 she's just...awesome...the way she looks at me sometimes...like she can read my mind...makes me nervous...

Shizuma: oh I seee

Nagisa: so..yeah...

Shizuma: ...umm

Nagisa: yesh?

Shizuma: you forgot one more person :P

Nagisa: xP

Shizuma: c'mon tell me!

Nagisa: umm umm...welllll

Shizuma: mmhmm?

Nagisa: xD I'm kinda...embarrassed to say...

Shizuma: -pouts- D:

Nagisa: mmph...well...who do you think it is, miss etoile smartypants?

Shizuma: well, lesse...considering that you're too nervous to tell me...and you're probably blushing alot right now...could that crush of yours possibly be...me?

Nagisa: well gee, you are smart! XD

Shizuma: awwwww!! XD that's so cute!!

And really, I did find it cute. How nervous she got when she confessed she liked me. I felt flattered. I couldn't help but smile at this news.

I guess from that point on, I started to notice her more. Like, really notice. And I became more interested in her. I started to flirt with her some, lightly though. I didn't wanna scare her away or anything. Eventually, I wanted to claim her as my own, even though I was involved with another girl, Daisy, at the time. Well, simple solution. Leave that girl, and make Nagisa my girlfriend, right? I thought about it for a while, then realized that I did want to try Nagisa out. I did, in fact, like her.

So I broke up with Daisy. It was hard yet easy. She hadn't meant anything to me deeply. I got over it in about...10 minutes? Didn't take too long.

Next part was kinda hard: confessing to Nagisa that I liked her and wanted to date her. It didn't take a mad scientist to realize that Nagisa was innocent and naive, new at the entire dating experience. What if she wasn't ready for it?

I would hint at her a lot, but she wouldn't catch on like I thought she would, haha. She was sooo slow, I loved that about her in some weirdass way.

Well, anyway, finally, she FINALLY caught on one night online that I fancied her. She timidly asked if I liked her or not...well, duh, of course I responded back that I did like her. I imagined her beaming at this.

Next thing I knew she confessed that she wanted me to be her first kiss. First thing that came to my mind: she hadn't had her first kiss yet?! Whoa...but evidently, I felt some sort of honor and pride that I was to be her first kiss...soon.

One night, for some reason, Nagisa didn't go online. I waited a couple of hours, but nothing. Then I got a phone call from her, our first over-the-phone conversation. We talked for hours and hours into the night. It was nice. And that's when I couldn't wait any longer, I claimed her as mine...

It's funny now that I think back on it. Nagisa coming into my life as a girlfriend. Here's probably one of the most important people entering my life, and at that moment, I just shrugged it off like nothing...

* * *

_**Nagisa's Point of View**_

They say that doing things for the very first time was always the hardest part, but then the next time(s) you did it, it was easier, almost routine. Like riding a bike, jumping into the deep end of the pool, or accomplishing a complex problem in calculus...

I guess that's how I approached my first kiss to be like. Hard. I was nervous as hell at the mere thought of actually kissing Shizuma, whom I had a big crush on at that time. What if I messed up or something, you know?

Well, anyway, Shizuma 'stole' my first kiss. I'll never forget what my first kiss was like...

The day had ended, classes done and over with. Shizuma and I had agreed to meet up in a secluded spot in the forest. Our very own spot. It was the first time we were meeting up after we had officially become girlfriends.

We greeted each other with a hug and excited smile. She seemed relaxed while inside, I was a nervous wreck, my heart beating slightly faster than usual as I heard her speak about her day. After about ten minutes of standing, she wrapped an arm around my waist and began walking, holding me close. I never had anyone hold me like that before, and I enjoyed the feeling immensely.

Eventually, I wrapped an arm around her waist. I liked that feeling too, of touching her, holding her close to me. I didn't want to let her go.

So we walked like that, holding each other's waists, talking about any random thing as usual. We joked around some, but my mind was more focused on what was to come: the kiss. I was impatient but kinda terrified about it at the same time...

There came a point where we stopped walking and stood by some bushes. Shizuma turned me around so that I was facing her directly. She still held my waist, this time with both arms. I held her waist back with both of my arms, and we were sorta rocking like that, side to side...

She kept peering into my eyes, which caused my heart to jolt every time and myself to blush. She had this desirious look in them. She wanted that first kiss of mine. Rather badly, I might add...

I dunno when it occurred, but next thing that happened was that I suddenly brought my face near hers and pecked her lips. Just a quick peck. And then another one. Then I brought her near me in a hug and and held her like that, nuzzling her neck.

For some reason, I felt drained of my energy. I was panting slightly... It must've been that kiss. It was electrifying, I had felt myself turn hot from the moment I touched her lips, and it wasn't due to the warm weather at that time...

I sensed Shizuma smirk. She lowered her face onto my neck and nuzzled me in return, her arms rubbing up and down my back. I felt sooo dazed...

Shizuma brought me back to earth. We had to get going to make it in time of the curfew...so we held hands and went back to the Strawberry Dorms.

Shizuma dropped me off at my room, hugging me good-bye. I went inside and laid down on my bed, staring up at the cieling. I felt giddy and light inside, I could feel myself smiling without even trying. Just thinking about the kiss with Shizuma sent excitement throughout me...

And that's how my first kiss was like. Innocent, electric...happy in a way..? Well, I probably went to sleep with a smile printed on my face, haha...


End file.
